The following is a reprint of an article written by Brett & Kate McKay. It appears in the Art of Manliness web site.
Framing our social interactions with faulty beliefs contributes to shy feelings and behaviors in two ways. First, faulty thinking makes social encounters seem more stressful and threatening than they actually are. So much so, that the shy individual will feel a sense of dread in simply contemplating these interactions, and will avoid socializing in order to prevent imaginary harms from befalling them. Second, the anxiety created by negative, misguided cognition will often trigger acute self-consciousness during social encounters. This self-consciousness, as we will see, perpetuates a cycle of shy feelings and behavior that prevents people from successfully and comfortably socializing with others.
What are the common faulty beliefs, errant assumptions, and negative cognitive biases that sap our confidence and torpedo our social interactions? Let’s now take a look at the different ways a self-sabotaging mindset manifests itself before, during, and after social interactions.
Understanding this cycle is the key that unlocks the power to overcoming shyness. You simply have to work at disrupting the cycle by targeting a specific point or points in it. The points in the cycle that will provide the most bang for your buck are working on becoming less self-conscious and reducing avoidance behaviors, but you should also work on changing other aspects like putting an end to engaging in faulty beliefs and negative post-mortems.